live and let go

it's interessting how you can be absolutely in love with something, but still ready to let it go. That's how I feel about life now, in general. I love every step, but I continue to look forward. 

for the night I am staying in Biarritz. My God, I could live here for the rest of my life.. The authentic buildings, the slight smell of sea-salt in the air, the amazing nature, the perfect air- and water temprature, the cheap wine and lovely places to drink coffe..

I am traveling for some weeks now, and if I wanted to, I could just stay here for a while. Live the Biarritz-life. But I booked a place to stay in Bilbao tomorrow. Crazy me. Moving forward in life. Seeing new places. Being in the now

 

elevate.

Becoming a more elevated version of myself, is scary for many reasons. Holding on to physical things feels so very good, and it helps me remember life.

I can be very forgetful, and that has been worrying me on a subconscious level all my life. I imagine being 90 years old, looking back at life and seeing nothing but a void. I am scared I won't remember how I lived my life, and how I spent my days. I believe this is what drove me towards documenting my life

I lost my Grandfather to cancer a few weeks ago, and I remember feeling as though no time had passed the past 15 years since I saw my Grandmother lying in her hospital bed, as lifeless as he was. I recognised all the emotions and I literally remembered it like it was yesterday. Time felt relative -- almost as though life the past decade was a piece of paper someone crunched together into something unlinear and chaotic. I had lived for so long and done so many wonderful things, but the reality of life crunched it all together. 

At one point I started to remember big and smaller events in life. I remembered how life changing it had been to truly fall in love, and I remembered becoming a big sister. I remember the places I had lived and the journies I had made both literally and mentally. All this because I had been collecting and documenting. I had been capturing my time, and I could look back as much as I felt like.

So I guess I'm very scared of letting this type of life go. I'm scared in general. Little by little, though, I am letting myself trancend into a bigger and higher conciouns. I am living more and more in the now, and I am accepting that now is enough. I hope and believe that then will be enough in 60 years.

photo is linked

vinter i Haugvegen

this photo is taken from my grandfather house in Haugvegen. I grew up here, and all the neighbors were my friend. most of them were my grandparents age, and I would go by the mailboxes, take out their mail, and deliver them at their doors. an excuse to visit I guess

in the red house there used to live an old man that I would visit from time to time. he was the only one I knew that was alive during the first world war. I had a very limited understanding of what that ment, but it interested me a lot. I would ring his doorbell, and stand patiently outside his door for about three minutes (a long time for a young girl) and ask if he wanted to talk, or if he needed anything at the store. I visit his and many others' grave when I'm at home and my mind goes wandering.

what a wonderful childhood. I'm so happy I can look back at it with a sense of admiration and longing, but still be content with and very happy about being a grown up. all the different times in life are beautiful. be where you are now.

back in business.

I've been away from this blog for a few months now, and it has done me good. I've been above usual productive, and below usual guilt-tripping myself for not getting enough done.

the year so far has been about getting stronger physically and mentally. I've made new friendships, and my life in general is more balanced and centered around acceptance. besides that, I've started making more movies, and by that I mean more time consuming ones.. this is the first of many movies made with blood, sweat and inflammation.

 

 

my heart is burning with ambition and love these days, and it doesn't seeme to quench. I hope my readers will come back eventually. there is so much I have to share

reverence

one of my favorite mountains on the north-east coast of norway

sometimes you have experiences so intense you feel like the elements just crashed into you. it can either be meeting a soul mate, giving birth, or maybe just when you see a life-changing movie or listen to a song that speaks to you. this post is dedicated to those kind of moments, and this song is one of those experiences.

Rodrigo Amarante – Tardei

 

remember those walls I built?

baby they're tumbling down, because I finally finished my karaoke movie. I was asked to make one for an event (intermezzo) at the Demon's Mouth gallery in Oslo, and I feel happy about the finished result. I feel like I've been able to communicate exactly what I wanted to, and I have never had that feeling about anything I ever made before.. it ain't perfect, but it's a start, and I'm feeling confident. so for those of you who are not planning on visiting the gallery, I am posting the video here in a week or so, so stay tuned why don't you

(the top gif is of my grandfather a few months ago, and the bottom gif is of my grandmother in the late 60's)

now I see the secret of making the best person: it is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.

the sky over St. Hanshaugen, Oslo on a September afternoon. where I'm currently planted, and where I currently have a bit too much to do. somehow I always manage to double book myself this time of the year, and this time around proves no different.

I promised myself that I'd take a break from expectations and from this busy life, and focus on centering myself and on absorbing life. I'm not holding myself to my promise that much, but I just have a few things I have to finish first ... #doingitthewrongway

quote by Walt Whitman

pretending it's ok, and that's ok.

everything I thought I knew became shattered by the realization of how I felt. I asked myself if I had only been suppressing my depression, pretending like it didn't exist so that life could be normal. the shock wounded me and my pride, and I felt small and weak. what if I was not the person I thought I was.

then I remembered that it's ok to feel small and weak, and that not having figured yourself out is part of being a human being. the faults we have and the things we struggle with doesn't defines whether we are kind-hearted people or not, and that's what it comes down to. you just have to live with things and accept yourself for it.

wednesday mornings can be revelating

Akira Kosemura – Hicari